


Fading Away

by pxrainey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Murder (mentioned), Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 10:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxrainey/pseuds/pxrainey
Summary: Hogwarts was mourning, expect for one boy.





	Fading Away

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick, angsty drabble that crossed my mind while I was drawing Tom. I hope it makes sense, haha.

The school was exceptionally quiet that day. Headmaster Dippet had announced that there would be no classes so that everyone could take this one day to try and find some comfort in all of their misery. All students, teachers and staff had been told to gather themselves in the Great Hall at 10 in the morning, just after breakfast.

The tables were rearranged so that the students were facing the Headmaster while he was giving his speech, but nobody was able to directly look at him as he was speaking of regret and grief. Their heads were held down and their expressions melancholic, the thought of the one they had lost being the only thing on their mind.

It was exactly one month after a young Ravenclaw girl had been found dead in the girls' restroom. A girl that not a single one of the students had ever been nice to, but whose death still affected everyone.

Hogwarts had almost been closed before an unpopular boy in his third year had been found guilty of keeping the monster that was responsible for the girl's death in the dungeons. After the boy had been expelled and the monster abandoned a week ago, everyone was no longer as afraid as before and the school could stay open.

Right now, it was time for everyone to finally say goodbye to the dead girl. Everyone was paying close attention to the mourning ceremony and sending out silent prayers. Everyone accepted this one moment to mourn together to find some comfort in each other.

Everyone, except for one boy.

One boy was sitting far away from all the others, on the Astronomy Tower, not at all affected by the cold wind blowing through his usually orderly hair.

Nothing was in order right now, though. His shaking hand brought the cigarette to his lips again. He almost had to laugh at the irony of him of all people falling for this stupid Muggle habit. He didn't have to worry about it affecting his health though. Not anymore, not with the diary that was clasped tightly to his chest right now, as if he could just get back what he had lost like that.

The boy blew the smoke out of his lungs into the cold air and watched it fade away, and strangely enough, he found that that was quite an accurate metaphor for how he was feeling in that moment. Fading away.

Closing his eyes in frustation, the boy lay back on the dirty floor of the tower. He couldn't find it in himself to care about his robes. He didn't care about most things these days.

Most things, except for the dead girl. 

The boy had never meant for it to get this bad. He had never wanted anyone to die.

Or, had he?

If he was being honest with himself, he couldn't remember anymore what his intentions had been, or what they were now- who he had wanted to be or who he was now. It was hard to come to any conclusion regarding such things these days. 

He just was.

An empty shell of the ambitious person that he used to be. Numb of pain, of grief, of regret- and numb of empathy, of compassion, of joy.

The boy wondered if there had ever been a part of him that could have been bothered by this, or if perhaps it was the lost part of his soul that was now locked away in the object next to him for all eternity.

It crossed the boy's mind then that eternity was a very long time, especially if you only have yourself to spend it with.

But, then he remembered all of the times any other human being had disappointed or infuriated him, and he thought that this was all he would ever need- solely himself, forever.

The boy nodded to himself then, stood up and threw the leftover of his cigarette from the tower.

And it disappeared from his sight, just like his doubts about his previous and future actions.

The boy was determined to become great.

The boy would show everyone that he was right.

The boy was Tom Marvolo Riddle, and over the course of this past month, he had committed his first murder, had framed an innocent boy for it, and had created his first horcrux. 

And now, he could not find the tiniest bit of regret in himself because of that.


End file.
